No Globes for Old Pen

Despite predictions, the world did not thrust itself into Armageddon because the Golden Globes were canceled this year. Thanks to "Old Pen" -- or the striking writers -- one of the most celebrated occasions of self-congratulation has gone the way of JFK: snuffed out before its time.

A press conference will replace the awards show this evening, which begs the question: who gives a shit? We don't watch the Globes or the Oscars to see who wins... Come on, not REALLY! We want what's being denied us: the designer outfits, the garish hair and jewelry, Jack Nicholson's child-porn grin, abundant cleavage (not Nicholson's), the droning "I'd like to thank my agent and my lawyers" speeches and, last but not least, Harvey Weinstein's double chins!

Hmm... Ok, maybe not.

P.S. Happy Birthday to the most amazing dad in the entire world, MINE! I love you!